The Pound: November 2006

Should Lxri Marxe Smxth aka Lorexta Serrxno Dillxn be banned from The Pound?

Vote Now

[ ] Yes! I want that trolling, wonk-eyed, evil skank bitch who has nothing better to do than scan the Internet for private and personal information which she uses to harass, bully and blackmail innocent people with gone from The Pound! She contributes nothing but darkness every where she goes!

[ ] No! I want that trolling, wonk-eyed, evil skank bitch who has nothing better to do than scan the Internet for private and personal information which she uses to harass, bully and blackmail innocent people to continue to entertain me at The Pound with her weekly threats, rants and demands for attention. She contributes a rare look into Fucktardedness that we may never see again. She is our version of the mythical Yeti!

[ ] Undecided...I'm just here for the buffet

Hey, Paws and claws, 'sup?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard the chatter in The Pound about how cute I am and all that. I know, you just want to pick me up and squeeze my little cheeks. But I am fast, and fiercely loyal, and I can chew ankles like you wouldn't believe! Yes. I. Can! You betcha!

And besides, I won't stay this way forever. You must remember when I showed you pictures of Grandpa and Grandma, right? Well! My grandfather was a brute and a half. Fearless! Fearless, I tell ya!

Yes, that's Grandpa Hoover de Smoot. He's my grandfather on my dad's side. That other fellow with him is his brother, Calvin de Smoot. That's where I get my fearless aggressiveness from. The de Smoot's were legend around this neck of the woods. When Hector de Smoot was brought in by a rich farmer who could afford to have the best, he set a new standard for protection. Yeah, ok. The farmer wasn't really a farmer...he ran whiskey from one side of the State to the other! Great grandpa Hector would patrol the perimeter and keep out any unwanted intruders or snoops! Nothing got past ole Hector. He raised his sons to follow in his footsteps and they worked for years running the perimeters and protecting the "farm".

By the time my father, Snerdly de Smoot came along, Moonshine wasn't so popular and the farm was converted to a dairy farm. Papa Snerdly was bored walking the perimeters of a dairy farm, and he decided to take off and make his fortune elsewhere. That's when he met my mother, Gloria, and Snerdly and Gloria de Smoot went on to have "ME!"

You probably noticed the Papa Snerdly's nose is a bit flat...sort of like his mom's, but that's not where he got it from! No! He earned that nose, every big bit of it. I'll never forget the day he told me about what happened. Ain't my mama pretty? Well, lots of mutts thought so before she settled on my Pa. So one day, the day they met, actually, Pa was out roaming around when he suddenly saw this beautiful muttess being chased by a crazy azzed brute named Clyde. Clyde would not leave mama alone. The fur on the back of my Pa raised in anger as he saw my mom weave herself through a maze of trees, trying to escape the nasty intentions of Clyde. Pa Snerdly ruffled his fur, broadened his already wide shoulders, and plunged forward with the force of 300 horses! "CHARGE!", he hollered as he sprinted across the field and into the woods!

He lopped along, each foot hitting the ground with more force than the last, as Gloria watched. As if in slow motion, Gloria saw her "#10" gracefully plunging through the air straight toward the bully, Clyde. Her heart began to patter, and her smile became broader...stars flittered through the air as she stood and watched, "her hero!" She could see him catch her stare and stare back. As he lopped through the air, he suddenly only had eyes for "her!"

The spell they were under was immediately broken by the sound of a THUD! Snerdly had completely lost his focus when his eyes became glued to hers, and he ran right into a tree! Yeah, well. That's the story and I'm sticking to it!

So ya think I'm a little shrimp, huh? Well, maybe for the moment, but this is me and Ma. Yep. Ma was a youngun when Pa Snerdly met her, but by the time she finished growing, watch out world! I guess Pa should have had a clue by the size of her feet, but it twasn't her feet he was looking at! I mean, you think I'm a tiny little thing, but I've just not caught up yet.

I can feel me growing as we speak! Why, Yes! Yes, I can! It's in my blood. I've got the blood of a giant warrior coursing through my body, each surge taking me just that much closer to my destiny. Yes. My destiny! You betcha!

As of today, I've got heels down to a science...I can nip the hell out of a perfectly good set of ankles. And I can swim!

I'm going to be a rescue dog when I grow up, just like my grandpa on my mother's side, Jeremy Canoe. Grandpa Jeremy lugs this big barrel around his neck and his giant feet make him sure-footed in snow and ice. When I finish growing up I'll have one of those barrels around my neck too. Yup. I will! But, until then, I'll just snuggle in around here and ignore the, "Oh, isn't he cute!" bullshit. Ok. You can pinch my cheeks and ruffle the fur on my head. I'm patient. I get that from one of my grandmas. You see my feet? That's how you can tell that I'm gonna be a big one! Ankles today, whole kneecaps tomorrow! Yes! That "IS" my story and I am sticking to it!