The Da-Bitchy Code

Evening Bitches and Studs,
Today's entry will be called:
The Da-Bitchy Code

Over the past year or so, the woman has gotten into Cesar Milan aka The Dog Whisperer and his "rules" for being a good pet parent. I'm down with that but the problem is, he's overlooking the fact that some pooch parents are clinically insane.

For example, Mr. Milan says that the parent should always walk in front of the pooch to establish dominance. Okay, I'm usually up for letting crazy bitch think she's in control but there ain't no way I'm walking behind her! In front of her carries it's dangers too but at l east one has a chance of out running whatever is about to happen.

I included the pic to illustrate a couple of points. Take a look at the back of the photo. See that little area thru the doorway? She calls that a mud room, it opens into the garage and she enters from there. Fatass and I stay in our cages out there and only by the grace of Fido has crazy bitch not pulled in and mowed us down yet. I don't feel that it's a question of if but more of a when type thing.

That's another story for another time.

Anywoof, back to the "rules"...So crazy bitch pulls in, gets out of the car with tons of shit in her hands. Purse, briefcase type 'puter bag, our Arby's, other crap and the always present cup of scalding hot coffee. Do you bitches and studs know how nerve racking it is to be locked in a metal cage with that staggering mess click-clacking towards you?

As soon as my door is opened, I am out of there faster than a bullet from a gun! I'm not being bad, I'm being safe. Rarely, but occasionally, she makes it thru the door to the mud room with all items intact. Remember, I said rarely. 98 percent of the time, she's on her knee's or ass at the door's threshold after either tripping on a piece of grit, skip-hippity-hopping over lint or just plain out falling down from some imagined craziness, of course all items go flying, including the scalding hot shit so you see why hanging by her side is not the best idea for this household. Again, I'm not being bad...it's a safety issue and on that note, I lift my tail and Mr. Milan can pucker up!

Let's take a glance at the 2 percent shall we? This is where I ask you to look at the pic and study the mirror standing against the wall. Looks harmless enough don't cha think? It's 7 1/2 feet tall by 5 foot wide (I think that's right) it weighs a ton and I love looking at myself in it!

Again, it seems harmless, right? That's because you guys aren't crazy bitch. Of the 2, count' em 2 times crazy bitch has made it past the mud room without incident, she click-clacked her way thru the hallway, turns left and let's out the most horrific blood chilling scream. Throws her arms up, purse, roast beef's and puter bag are flung into the hallway while she flings the scalding hot shit off to the other side covering the tree (right side of pic) in the corner and most of the wall.

Wanna know what startled her or are you ahead of me? Yep, her own reflection. Now if you want me to be fair, I'll admit that maybe once it could be a understandable thing but twice...2 times! TWO! Same scenario, same result. SCREAM! Splat! Splash!

On the first one, Goon was all: Wad da hell?? Nev'ah mind...I'll call da painters. Second time, he didn't even ask or blink. He walked in, saw it and whipped out the mobile talkie thingy. Another day done the BG kinda way...(nutty bitch!)

There's a side story here: Painter guys come over and do their thing which includes some ceiling touch ups because crazy bitch got that too but while they were here they helped themselves to the cookie jar.

Wanna know what they were eating?

Yep,dog cookies! Those bastards ate MY peanut butter
and oatmeal cookies the woman orders for us online. The cookies are made to order with over the counter doggie med's included depending on what the human tells the baker.

In our case, she orders the works so the painters should be free of flea's, mite's and worms for 6-8 weeks.

Maybe I should send a certain Fucktard a bag....

Paws to alls,
Brutal